nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
