when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
