i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize