why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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