sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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