You're my little dorito
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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