Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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