Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
