We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize