I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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