How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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