are you so shy because you have an std?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
