great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
