Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
