so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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