It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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