I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
