Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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