I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
