SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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