my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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