Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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