he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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