I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
