I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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