I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
