So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
