Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
