I need to stop coming to work sober
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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