I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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