I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
