Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
