Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize