More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It was confusing and full of hummus
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
