they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
