Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
