It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
