My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
