A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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