No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize