I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize