she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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