Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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