she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
