She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
