My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
