I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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