I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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