i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
