Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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