i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
