it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
