I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
