I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
