dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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