Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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