I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
