Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
