he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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