i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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