Well douche your snatch and let's go!
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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