yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
