Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
