Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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