she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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