Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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