Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i think i have two assholes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
