well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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