the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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