Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
