I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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