I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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