Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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