I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
