ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
