If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
