did you get engaged???
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I deserve this hangover.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
we should paint friendship bongs
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