it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
