dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
