I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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