I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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