The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
