I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We have started to decorate penises.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
