It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
