You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My vagina just clenched in fear
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
