It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize