Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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