East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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