I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
