this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
