you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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