I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
