you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
