i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
