I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
