I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
