I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
