You can't motorboat a personality
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
