glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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