Please, let me fuck your mom
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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