ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have aggressive nipples.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
