Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
