I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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