i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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